Okay. So I didn't see this one coming, but alas it has. Dallin has made me a grandmother at the age of 33. Allow me to explain, as I did not become a grandmother the old-fashioned way. On Tuesday 7 April 2009, Dallin came home from school with a flour-sack baby he has named Alicia. At birth Alicia weighed 5 pounds, and was 19 inches long. She has brown hair and pink eyes, no fingernails or toenails, and is currently sporting a huge run in the pantyhose that is holding her head together. Alicia also lacks a belly button. Kyle XY anyone? (Kyle XY is a science-fiction show on the ABC Family Channel). Despite it all, Dallin is a proud parent until next Wednesday.
I consider myself lucky to have finished school without having to participate in such a project. Of course there are similar projects involving eggs. I never had to do that, either. If my memory serves me well, those of my friends and acquaintances who were involved in such assignments weren't given them until high school. Dallin is in the fifth grade. Hmmm... Children are starting younger and younger, aren't they? This is disconcerting.
Something else that is disconcerting to me is that although Dallin is in love with Alicia, I am not. How shall I put this... Alicia is the least attractive and appealing baby I have ever seen. We are all familiar with the phrase, "He / She has a face only a mother could love". Yeah. You catch my drift. Who and where is the mother of my grandchild and does the phrase also apply to her? Come on, people, ugly babies are not born to good-looking parents very often, and we all know how handsome Dallin is. (No, I am not biased.) So what does that say about Alicia's mother?
I do have to say that Alicia does have positive attributes. For one, she never cries or fusses. And though Dallin is required to change her diapers occasionally as part of his assignment, she never poops or wets them. She never complains over who might be holding her. If she's cold or hot, she deals. If the wind or sun is in her face, she doesn't let it bother her. If she's been ignored for a long period of time, she finds ways to entertain herself. All in all, she is a super baby. She rolls with the punches. I doubt I'll be able to say the same about the baby soon to come to our family, though I can be sure she'll be more beautiful!
But if this is what grandparenthood is all about, bring it on! I'm ready and happy to participate!
Love, Cara
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5 comments:
I remember very well my baby doll that was programed to cry at 2 am. UGH! Of course that was in high school.
I think it is cute that your son is so excited about the assignment. BTW...all of your kids are adorable. I don't think you will have to worry about ugly grandkids when the time does come.
That was very funny! She is sure one ugly baby though! Good thing Dallin is such a doting daddy!
So funny!! Hannah hasn't done anything like that! I did do a egg once not fun. So funny though I am glad he is having fun!!!
I did the egg, sack of flour, and the programmed baby. But mine was jr high and high school. I am surprised to hear he is doing this in 5th grade. Ashlee hasn't had to do anything like that. Hopefully that baby is not literally rolling with the punches. I imagine that would make a big mess of flour in your house! Ha ha!
LOL - This may be giving Dallin unrealistic expectations of what things will be like when the new baby comes home!
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